JP ShawCap It! Side Seat Driving must Stop...
"CAP IT, JODI!" DH says to me for like the tenth time while behind the wheel of our Plymouth Acclaim, heading east into Vancouver. It's his polite way of telling me to SHUT UP! to which I should take offense, but cannot because I know I'm driving him insane. I cannot help it though.
We left the house at 9am in the morning made our usual stop at Timmy's before hitting the highway. Our destination--CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL and SUNNY HILL for kids. Trace had an appointment today with the doctor, standard procedure before day surgery.
I always get nervous when I know we are going to drive into Van. It's not like driving in Abbotsford where there are maybe thirty cars on the road at one time, and nobody does over sixty most days. Vancouver is different. It's hell on my nerves.
A year ago we were coming home from Richmond, my girlfriend's wedding. We were happy, thinking about the past weekends events, seeing our friends confess their love to one another. One minute there we were, talking and laughing. The next, I was being put on a back board, neck brace wrapped around me, while I desperate searching for my kids to make sure they were okay with images of our van wrapped around the meridian pole and smoke billowing out from our engine which caught fire streaked through my mind. Some guy ran a red light.
RED means STOP. Everyone knows this, and yet not everyone listens or pays attention. I guess he figured he could beat the light, didn't realize cars come in the other direction and if it wasn't for DH swerving to avoid missing him...
Well let's just say the guy should be glad he's alive. Both he and his son were okay. Our kids were okay. Our van resembled a crushed tin can, which was to be expected when you try to redecorate it with a pole in the middle of the highway. But I was not okay.
Oh sure physically I would heal. The seat belt lacerations across my neck and shoulder would get better. My shoulder pain to which I still suffer would subside. But mentally--mentally I am fearful I will forever be a SIDE SEAT driver, screaming at anyone I'm in a car with to slow down when they are only traveling 30KM through a school zone. Today was no different.
"Slow down!"
"Watch that guy he's braking"
"Hey he's cutting over"
"Don't go so fast on the bridge."
All the while I'm gripping my door handle as though it's a life line set to keep me safe, while tears stream down my face as my heart pounds rapidly and I pray to the big man upstairs to please please get me the hell out of the car!
I can't help it. I don't mean to drive DH or my family and friends crazy with my delusional thoughts that everyone is out to smash me up while driving with them. I just cannot help the panic I feel. I guess I realized that life is so damn precious.
We never stop to think about it really. How lucky we are. We don't stop to smell the roses until after spring has come. We don't see that in one moment without any provocation our time could be up, and everything we hold dear... our children, our loved ones, ourselves could be gone -- POOF! Just like that.
Still living in fear that another crash while driving isn't really living either. Besides if I keep it up DH is going to strap me to the roof rack on the car without any bungy cords to hold me down. And trust me he'd have no guilt about it either. I make him nervous when driving now, always shouting, calling things out and stuff. My eight year old suggested dad gives mommy a sleeping pill for the drive next time... LOL.
Maybe that's a good idea. We are heading back in tomorrow--back to CHILDREN'S for Trace's surgery. We will leave again at 9am and once again hit rush hour traffic coming home around five or six. I'm not looking forward to it, what can I say? I don't like going in.
People cross the road without warning. Nobody signals. They drive down the wrong side of the street, talk on their cell phones, don't pay attention, and get angry because I make DH drive the speed limit hindering them at going mock speed and having to go around us.
Nobody likes me.
Oh well. All I can do is try to get over my fear of riding in a car, and try to CAP IT! while Corey drives. I can live in fear or allow myself to relax and enjoy the ride.
Something tells me from the look on my face above... that might be easier said then done.
We left the house at 9am in the morning made our usual stop at Timmy's before hitting the highway. Our destination--CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL and SUNNY HILL for kids. Trace had an appointment today with the doctor, standard procedure before day surgery.
I always get nervous when I know we are going to drive into Van. It's not like driving in Abbotsford where there are maybe thirty cars on the road at one time, and nobody does over sixty most days. Vancouver is different. It's hell on my nerves.
Heading home on Highway 1 back to Abbey
A year ago we were coming home from Richmond, my girlfriend's wedding. We were happy, thinking about the past weekends events, seeing our friends confess their love to one another. One minute there we were, talking and laughing. The next, I was being put on a back board, neck brace wrapped around me, while I desperate searching for my kids to make sure they were okay with images of our van wrapped around the meridian pole and smoke billowing out from our engine which caught fire streaked through my mind. Some guy ran a red light.
RED means STOP. Everyone knows this, and yet not everyone listens or pays attention. I guess he figured he could beat the light, didn't realize cars come in the other direction and if it wasn't for DH swerving to avoid missing him...
Well let's just say the guy should be glad he's alive. Both he and his son were okay. Our kids were okay. Our van resembled a crushed tin can, which was to be expected when you try to redecorate it with a pole in the middle of the highway. But I was not okay.
Oh sure physically I would heal. The seat belt lacerations across my neck and shoulder would get better. My shoulder pain to which I still suffer would subside. But mentally--mentally I am fearful I will forever be a SIDE SEAT driver, screaming at anyone I'm in a car with to slow down when they are only traveling 30KM through a school zone. Today was no different.
"Slow down!"
"Watch that guy he's braking"
"Hey he's cutting over"
"Don't go so fast on the bridge."
All the while I'm gripping my door handle as though it's a life line set to keep me safe, while tears stream down my face as my heart pounds rapidly and I pray to the big man upstairs to please please get me the hell out of the car!
Corey looking less than impressed while driving... I think that's my fault LOL
I can't help it. I don't mean to drive DH or my family and friends crazy with my delusional thoughts that everyone is out to smash me up while driving with them. I just cannot help the panic I feel. I guess I realized that life is so damn precious.
We never stop to think about it really. How lucky we are. We don't stop to smell the roses until after spring has come. We don't see that in one moment without any provocation our time could be up, and everything we hold dear... our children, our loved ones, ourselves could be gone -- POOF! Just like that.
The boys fast asleep after a long day at the hospital. We didn't leave until 4pm to go home.
Still living in fear that another crash while driving isn't really living either. Besides if I keep it up DH is going to strap me to the roof rack on the car without any bungy cords to hold me down. And trust me he'd have no guilt about it either. I make him nervous when driving now, always shouting, calling things out and stuff. My eight year old suggested dad gives mommy a sleeping pill for the drive next time... LOL.
Maybe that's a good idea. We are heading back in tomorrow--back to CHILDREN'S for Trace's surgery. We will leave again at 9am and once again hit rush hour traffic coming home around five or six. I'm not looking forward to it, what can I say? I don't like going in.
People cross the road without warning. Nobody signals. They drive down the wrong side of the street, talk on their cell phones, don't pay attention, and get angry because I make DH drive the speed limit hindering them at going mock speed and having to go around us.
Nobody likes me.
Oh well. All I can do is try to get over my fear of riding in a car, and try to CAP IT! while Corey drives. I can live in fear or allow myself to relax and enjoy the ride.
I'M NOT AFRAID... I'M NOT AFRAID... I'M NOT AFRIAD... YEAH RIGHT WHO AM I KIDDING... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Something tells me from the look on my face above... that might be easier said then done.
